Women in wellness and spa are the backbone of the industry. We’re the champions who need to support each other as a workforce and support our clients, both predominantly women. In fact, around 84% of spa managers are women, a higher representation that more general hospitality leadership. So are we looking out for each other? Is our industry walking the walk? Over my career, I’ve seen the best and the not-so-good of women supporting women in wellness.
When I was working on a spa project in the Middle East, I witnessed something that has never left me.
Behind a local shopping centre, I saw a woman being stoned.
My first instinct was to run towards her — to scream at the men and women participating in this unspeakable act. We are not talking centuries ago. We are talking about 2008.
But my colleague grabbed me and said quietly, “If you interfere, you’ll end up in jail too.”
I remember standing there horrified, thinking:
When is it ever acceptable for women to suffer at the hands of others while the world watches?
That moment changed something in me.
Because while many women across the world now speak about empowerment, equality, sisterhood, supporting one another and lifting each other up — the darker truth is that women have also experienced judgment, cruelty, exclusion, and silence from both men and other women for generations.
And this is the uncomfortable conversation many women avoid having. Behind closed doors, many women have experienced the exact opposite of empowerment – sometimes in shockingly public displays but also in the more subtle spaces of our lives.
Jealousy. Exclusion. Competition. Passive aggression. Gossip. Undermining. Silent sabotage. And sometimes it hurts more when it comes from another woman because we expected safety there.
The truth is, women have spent centuries surviving within systems largely designed and controlled by men. Historically, there were limited seats at the table for women in leadership, business, politics, and financial independence.
When opportunities are scarce, competition becomes survival. Women are often conditioned to:
- compete for approval
- compete for security
- compete for attention
- compete for status
- compete for the “one spot” available
That conditioning does not disappear overnight simply because society now talks about empowerment.
Sometimes what looks like “mean girl behaviour” in a woman is actually:
- insecurity
- fear of becoming irrelevant
- unresolved pain
- comparison culture
- burnout
- lack of self-worth
- or women who were never taught how to collaborate without competition
And social media has amplified it. We now live in a world where women are constantly comparing bodies, businesses, success, relationships, ageing, money, lifestyles, followers, relevance, the list goes on.
It is exhausting.
The irony is this. Women often understand the pain of being judged better than anyone… yet can still judge other women harshly.
Especially in industries such as wellness, beauty, hospitality, and lifestyle branding, where image and perception have become currency.
But Here’s the Part We Need to Own
Not every woman is your competition.
And not every strong woman is trying to outshine you.
Sometimes another woman succeeding simply reflects what is possible.
Real empowerment is not performative social media captions saying “women support women.”
It is:
- recommending another woman for opportunities
- clapping when she succeeds
- not tearing her apart behind the scenes
- mentoring without intimidation
- collaborating without keeping score
- and being secure enough to let other women shine
Because confidence and comparison cannot live in the same room for long.
The Other Side of the Conversation
Women are also extraordinarily capable of deep support, loyalty, emotional intelligence, resilience, and community-building when they feel safe enough to operate from abundance rather than scarcity.
Some of the most powerful businesses, movements, and healing spaces in the world have been built by women supporting other women.
But we cannot evolve if we refuse to have honest conversations about the darker side of female dynamics too.
Not to shame women.
Not to attack women.
But to understand where it comes from so we stop repeating it.
Because maybe true empowerment starts when women stop performing support publicly…
and start practising it privately, in all of the subtle spaces and interactions we share. That is wellness that truly lifts women up.
